I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
