I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
