whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You took a bar mat shot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
