please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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