I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
