i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
