Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
