I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
