I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
