apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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