we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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