Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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