and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
