i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
