dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
