Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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