and you said cock pushups were impossible
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
