if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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