I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
