I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
