There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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