I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
