Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
