then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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