i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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