Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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