Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
