the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
