He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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