would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Come on in and take your pants off
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