i think my mom watched the whole time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
