Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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