Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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