I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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