someone threw a dead crab at me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
