Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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