My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
