I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
