Sry I called you an 8
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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