in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
