When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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