As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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