your room smells of hookers.
And success
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
