woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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