I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
