There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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