OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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