Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
