What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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