really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
